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Dear Colleagues,
While we often work with adolescent and emerging adult clients who are struggling with significant mental health challenges, some of these same individuals are blessed with the gift of being able to capture and express their emotions through the arts. As therapists, we learn the theory, the application, and the psychotherapeutic skills necessary to guide people to the path of emotional regulation and a life worth living, but we often have not experienced these feelings from the interior landscape that our clients do. This new series, "Voices From The Heart" is our invitation to former clients to share some of their most powerful expressions of what it feels like to walk in their shoes. We all know the feeling of being impacted by a work of art that needs no elaboration. Welcome to "Voices From The Heart."
The criteria for publication of works in this series is as follows:
What is the meaning of life? This was what I asked my mother on an otherwise insignificant summer morning of 2019. I eagerly awaited her response. In an attempt to satisfy my 12-year-old curiosity, my mom searched her own experiences to find the right words. She said “Just focus on the small things in life” and this would lead me to my answer
Little did I know, this question would follow me for the next five years. Months later with the arrival of COVID, my world was totally changed. I finished middle school in a blur. The constant turmoil made me want to stay young forever; the adult world just seemed too cruel and uninviting. However, this wish seemed impossible as I started high school. As the youngest in the school, I felt out of place and had trouble adjusting. Things took a brighter turn when I was elevated to varsity football and became close with a Junior on the team. Ralph and I would have long talks in the locker room before practice-- about life and our ups and downs. My friendship with Ralph helped me feel at home and for a little while, I felt happy.
Once football season ended, I began to have more time to myself to think. That same question nagged at me. I searched, sometimes looking up at the night sky, at the endless abyss of stars. I found no answer and felt lost and this time, I didn’t turn to my mom. Instead, I began to believe the answer was that there was no meaning. And that’s when I began my downward spiral.
I started keeping track, in my notes app, of how often I felt like putting an end to my life, going from weekly, to eventually every day. Suddenly, the idea of staying young forever was no longer realistic. By the time my junior year started, I was still having these thoughts every day. So I decided to take a drastic next step. That November, during a weekend when my parents were out of town, I chose to bring an end to my life. I bought a rope, fashioned it into a noose and made my way out to the massive beech tree in my backyard. As I took my final steps, I looked to the stars, remembering the countless nights I had spent contemplating mortality. I tied the rope around the tree, stepped onto my chair, and took what I thought would be my final breath. As I stepped off the chair, I heard a crack: The branch had snapped in two. This is the sound that ultimately saved my life. What felt like the end was actually the start of a new beginning.
Today, I am a different person. After getting the professional help I had refused for so long, I began focusing on my day-to-day tasks: getting up early for school, practicing basketball, playing the piano, eating well, and talking with the people I love. These small goals helped me stay grounded and motivated. Now, when I think back to my mother’s words on that summer morning, I finally understand what she meant. The meaning of life is to find your own meaning, not in a universal TRUTH. The answer lies in what is revealed when you are present, living your life every day.
One of the ways I know how much emotional progress I’ve made and how strong I feel now is my desire and intention to find a way to help others who are struggling as I did. I know that almost every college has peer-to peer support groups. Apart from all the intellectual and social opportunities college will offer me, I am especially looking forward to giving something of myself. I want to pass on to others the lessons I’ve learned from my mother’s words and from my own hard, but enriching, journey.
